The first major event I was dreading after John's death was not Valentine's Day (see my Valentine's post). It was my birthday. And I wanted to get out of town, to just get away.
An idea hatched in my brain.
Friends of mine who have kept in touch almost weekly with phone calls and cards during this journey wanted me to visit them sometime. So, I called and ask if my birthday weekend would be a good time to come to Chicago to see them. So I said I'd try to figure out a plan and get back to them.
But there was one problem...the weather reports were predicting a winter storm around the time I would be traveling there. It should be noted that Elvis was invited, too, as these friends have two wonderful dogs, themselves. One beagle, and one honorary beagle.
So, I decided to make it a train trip to Chicago and boarded Elvis at Dr. Lisa's, where he was thoroughly spoiled and (at my request, of course) micro chipped, something we'd meant to do since finding out his escape tendencies. So...fear not. Elvis is micro chipped and registered.
As promised by the weather folks here in Lansing, Friday turned out to be quite a snowy and slippery day, and all local schools were cancelled. I was prepared and got up extra early to get us both ready for our destinations. So, at around 6:30 AM, we left the house for Dr. Lisa's place. We waited out in the car until a little after 7am, when the staff arrived. After I got Elvis all situated, I headed directly for the train station, which is about a block from my office.
Here's where I tell you that I upgraded to business class both directions. It's only a few more dollars more than the coach class, but to me, it was worth it. Much more roomy, fairly quiet, and each seat pops out like a lazy-boy. And I had no one beside me, which was good for some quiet travel. My only glitch on the way to Chicago as far as the actual seating arrangements was a woman who boarded in Kalamazoo who sat in front of me and who decided everyone needed to hear what she was talking about with someone on her cell phone. I was able to pretty much ignore it, thanks to my noise-cancelling headphones.
We ended up running about 2 hours late, though, due to a false alarm with the engine computer. Most of that two hours was spent sitting in Dowagiac...it was around this time that I had an encounter with the aforementioned woman.
I had to make a call to my friends in Chicago to let them know a revised pick-up time. It didn't bother me, actually, because just sitting on a train is an adventure. I wanted something different for my birthday weekend to help keep me occupied, and I was getting it. This ended up with about three or four revised time calls. And...guess what? The woman ahead of me didn't like it and shushed me. I ended the call and said something like, "I am sorry if I was too loud, but I did have to listen to your call for over a half-hour." Or something like that. And she apologized and was quiet for the rest of the trip.
But so was I. I am so glad she couldn't see me, because I was crying. About as hard as you can cry without making a noticeable sound. I was feeling a little fragile on the way there...traveling to a city that John loved as much as I do...alone. First time traveling anywhere further than my brother's by myself since John was diagnosed in November, 2011. Thinking that John would have protected me, would have said something. I'm glad I at least managed to say something and without crying while I said it, to boot.
So, I arrived in Chicago. Wishing my friends carried a cell, I realized there was no longer an obvious place to meet people there at Union Station. So, even though the voice in my head--Dad's--was saying, "Stand still, they'll find you," I wandered from place to place for about 45 minutes or so. And I was frightened. My friends should not take offense to this or think they did anything wrong; like me, they didn't know that the old waiting place really doesn't exist anymore. I mean, it does...but it's not obvious like it was the last time I took a train to Chicago. That was in the late 1980s when I took a trip with Mom and Curt's then-wife and mother-in-law to see Phantom of the Opera. Anyway...
I figured I would look around a bit more. And I tried their cell (they have one, they just don't use it much). Was tempted to leave a message with pathetic crying on it (fake, not real) but decided not to. And then I had a brilliant idea...what is that great hall? Let's check that out. It almost looks like the place that used to be for waiting. And the place where scenes from the movie, "Untouchables," were filmed. And sure enough, I head a voice behind me say, "Tam?" I have never been so relieved.
In another one of those wild things that seems to happen to me a lot in the last year and a half...I know several people in Chicago. This particular weekend, I planned on visiting the friends who invited me plus a friend from college, if I could make it happen. I knew he had moved since my last visit, so I asked him how close I would be from where I'd be staying. And in the entire city and suburbia of Chicago--one of the largest cities in the United States--these friends (who didn't know each other) lived THREE BLOCKS APART. Whew!
I have had lots of people ask me if I was going to sight-see. You have to know that I have been to Chicago many times; for years, I had opera tickets to the Lyric, and before that, I had gone on many adventures since childhood, really, since that's where my mother was originally from (the Norwegian American Hospital is where she made her debut!). This time, I just wanted to just hang out, mostly, and visit. VIsiting the art museum (my favorite place in the city) and the aquarium (a place John had been and had wanted to take me to) will come on the next trip, maybe. And my friends really really helped me not only "get through" this birthday, I actually had fun. And was surprised that I did have fun. I had a birthday cake. We went on lots of walks with the dogs. And just enjoyed each other's company. And I decided it was time for my friends to meet each other, so we met at a place called Stella's for my birthday supper. And I think we had a very enjoyable time!
On Sunday, I had originally planned on going to church with my college friend, but the thought of sleeping in sounded better to me. My only regret was that another friend showed up at that church on a visit from Ann Arbor. And I missed seeing her! She was in town to see an opera at the Lyric for *her* birthday (which is about three days after mine).
Sunday afternoon, we went back to Union Station, where (because of business class) I was able to board about 30 minutes early (and first choice of seat!). It was only after I was seated and comfortable that I noticed another wonderful thing: A heart drawn on the window. Coincidence? If so, then thank you, whomever did that, as it made me feel better. I felt like John was with me.
When I got home, it was too late to pick up Elvis, so I had my first night in the house where I was truly alone. It was okay, though, because I was tired I pretty much fell into bed.
And a joyous reunion was awaiting me at Dr Lisa's the next afternoon after work.
This trip was fun...but it would not be the last time there were things I wanted to tell John about but couldn't. Dammit.
Stay tuned for another adventure...where I went quite a bit further away than Chicago.
Tam
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