20 Years Ago...

Just a short post before I retire for the night...

Twenty years ago today, I married the love of my life...my best friend...my soul mate. And I miss him so much that it just hurts. Especially on days like this.

I spent the day mostly resting--couldn't bear to go to work. I went to Fort Custer with some roses and got an extra one to put in the garden at All Saints.

I'll type more later, but thought I shouldn't let this day pass without at least a little mention about an event that changed my life.

To quote the song from Wicked:

Because I knew you...I have been changed...for GOOD.

Love you, John...the bravest, smartest, handsomest man I've ever known. I still feel you near and feel you protecting me.

Love,

Tamara

Did you miss me?

2014, so far, has been a busy one. But I'm resolving to spend more time writing this year, so whether you missed me or not, I'm baaaaaack. :)

So many things to post, and I'll just do a summary here and go into more depth later. Right now, I'm sitting at a window table at a new favorite coffee shop called Strange Matters--probably the only coffee place open today (it's Labor Day!). It's only about a mile from the house, I needed the caffeine, and so here I am. It's very warm today, but with a nice breeze as the front starts to roll in. Storms are brewing to the west of here, so I won't stay long before I head back to the relative safety of my home. Very glad that Elvis doesn't have the fear of storms that Abbey and other past rescues have had. He's just a sissy about getting wet. Unless it's snow...he loooooves the snow. 

My beverage of choice in the summer these days is iced coffee. I was never a huge coffee-drinker before I met John...or even during the 18 years and four months of our marriage. At the two main coffee chains around here, I usually get a plain iced coffee. At one of the local ones, I get Vietnamese iced coffee. This is expresso, ice, and a little bit (the key is little bit, at least for me) of sweetened condensed milk. I don't get this too often or too late in the day, as you can imagine it is quite decadent and will keep you wide awake. 

At this new place (first time here today), my favorite is the New Orleans Iced Coffee. This is coffee that has been cold-brewed with chickory. Then, you add milk, iced, and simple syrup (optional; if I were to try it at home, I'd probably try agave). They even have a non-dairy option, which I'll try next time. And somehow, I'm going to try to replicate this at home. 

I'm starting to pay attention again to what's healthy and what's not for me (all evidence to the contrary on this trip to the coffee shop!) these days. I'm learning I'm gradually becoming less and less tolerant of dairy. It's been kind of fun figuring out alternatives to dairy--it's a lot better than moping because I can't tolerate the dairy. 

Two months ago, I was in Italy for a week (more on that later!). I decided I was going to ignore my dairy problem...and I learned that over there, it was NO problem. I had all the gelato and mozzarella I wanted, with no reaction whatsover! I'm thinking it might be what the cows eat (or maybe what they don't eat!) over there! Another reason to save up for that Italian villa that all of my family and friends will be invited to down the road! :)

Yes. Two trips this year. California for the Rose Bowl in December/early January, and then the trip in late June/early July with a music group to Rome, Vatican City, Pompeii, and Sorrento. And I nearly stayed in Sorrento. Absolutely the most beautiful place I've ever been was the Amalfi Coast. It took my breath away and actually made me cry! Now, if I buy this Italian villa, though, I'll have to hire a driver. The driving is crazy in Italy...but then, the Italians are used to it. I think the only people freaking out when there are the Americans. Trust me, even the drivers in the big cities here are less crazy than the drivers there. But the Italians seem to take it in stride and don't stress out about it. 

We've had a bit cooler summer than usual. Not that I'm complaining. But I think the end of August tried to make up for it. I finally bit the bullet and purchased a portable air conditioner for the bedroom back in about April and though didn't use it much in the early part of the summer, it's been put through its paces in the last two or three weeks! Now I'm wondering why John and I waited so long! Bedroom is nice and cool and I'm not having to get up every few hours to dunk my head in the cold water!

I've had a few things done to the house, but have a few more to do before I put the house on the market. I need the kitchen fixed, I need some electric work done, and I need to get some painting done. I had the roofing replaced late in the fall...and you're saying, "Wait...I thought you already did that a few years ago!" Long story, but the short version is that the folks that did it the first time only put the shingles on. They didn't fix a couple soft places in the roof. And now my kitchen has paid for it. Luckily, there's no more leaking in the house, but the people who did it before should be run out of business. I did report them, but I don't know how much good that will do 11 years later.

Of course, I have today off because it's Labor Day. But I've taken a couple more days off for a little "staycation'--very little plans for travel except for spur-of-the-moment things. Mainly, I wanted Wednesday off because I predict it could be a tough day, emotionally. September 3 would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. And judging by how difficult it was last year, I decided to be kind to myself this year, too. Birthdays, death-days, and holidays are tough enough. But anniversary--that's what made John and me "we." Last year, I went to the church we were married in. I may stop by there again this year. It really helped. I do have an audition that day, too...first one in a long time. At first I thought "Uh-oh..maybe I shouldn't do it on that day." Or... "Maybe I shouldn't do it. Period." But then I think about how much John promoted me and was one of my biggest fans...and how he'd want me to do this. So...at 4pm on Wednesday, I'm going to do it. I won't divulge much right now other than to say it's a role I've done before (though I'm a little rusty), so that will make things feel at least a little safer. But needless to say, I'm a little...terrified. So spare a few thoughts for me on September 3. Not just for the audition, but for getting past yet another milestone. 

Ah. The rain has started. We're supposed to get potentially severe storms today, so maybe sitting in this wonderfully big window, overlooking life going by on Michigan Avenue, is not a good thing now. So...I'll stop for now, and continue more later.

Just letting you know, dear reader, that I'm okay. And okay is good enough. I will never get over this. But I'm learning how to go on. I think that's the toughest part.

Love and blessings.

First blog of 2014

First of all, I must apologize for not writing in quite awhile. Some parts of my life have become quite busy, and I thought about updating several times in the last few months...but haven't gotten to it. So I'm going to break the posts up into several blog posts.

Last year was a pretty tough one...first of all, losing the love of my life just 19 days into the year...and then spending most of the rest of the year with lots of changes both in my personal life and at work...but by the end, it was a bit better, even if the loss is still pretty painful. I don't think that will ever go away...but day by day, I manage to grow and change and adapt. God, family (including dear Elvis), and friends have helped immensely.

During most of the year, being alone was unbearable. Yes, I know Elvis was always there...and I feel John's presence a lot...but I went out of my way to go to coffee shops and other places where I could have the sounds and activity of people. But the interesting thing was that I kept to my self most of those times, anyway.

I am dealing with arthritis in my hands these days. I had extensive occupational therapy in the fall, and that seemed to help. The hand specialist I go to says he does not want to operate until I'm much older...and not playing the violin anymore. I really took that to mean that once I had the surgery, I would be unable to play. So a little pain is worth it...for now. They ordered me some special gloves that help immensely. Right now, I'm working my way back into violin shape for some fun times ahead this coming summer. More on that later.

Lots of other surprises coming...stay tuned. My wish for you is a wonderful, safe, and loving 2014 full of many blessings.

Tam