With apologies to William Butler Yeats, I'm going to quote all but the last four lines of his poem When You are Old and Grey:
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face....
My beloved husband, John, died on January 19, 2013. He bravely battled glioblastoma multiforme (aggressive brain tumor) for 14 months--8 of them in hospice. During that time, I chronicled our journey on Caringbridge (caringbridge.org/visit/johnsyron).
This blog is the start of my new journey; John will always be in my heart but can no longer be at my side.
I started with the poem because it's one that was a particular favorite of John's. There is another stanza, but John never liked that one because it was about love leaving. He first recited it to me when we were courting, and many times through our marriage, he'd quote it--each time, with great emotion.
At the visitation, they played a soundtrack that I put together; I call it "John's mix." Vespers by Rachmaninoff. Some early music. Sam Cooke. Louis Armstrong. Allison Krauss. Music from the Lion King, Les Miserables, Sleepless in Seattle (our first date movie).
The last show John and I saw together was Wicked. We saw it this past June. The song that keeps running through my head is "For Good." It is so much about us--particularly our last 14 months of the 18 years.
I'll close this first regular entry of my new blog with the lyrics and a clip from Wicked. This is for John. Since I've known you, I've been changed. For good.
(Glinda)
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you I have been changed for good
(Elphaba)
It well may be
That we will never meet again In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
(Glinda) Because I knew you
(Both) I have been changed for good
(Elphaba)
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda) But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda)
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both): Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda) And because I knew you...
(Elphaba) Because I knew you...
(Both): Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=2fR4JotwwWo&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2fR4JotwwWo
