It's been awhile since my last post. A lot of crazy life got in the way for awhile, but I'm back. Taxes done, brakes fixed, Saturn almost ready to sell or donate...
It sure helps that we've had a couple days now with warmer temperatures and no rain. In case you don't live around here or have been under a rock recently, we've more than made up for the drought from last summer. The Grand and Red Cedar are filled to brimming, and spring sports--both high school and college--have had many delays and postponements due to either the weather itself or the resulting floods. Here's a few photos of what it looked like just a quarter-mile from my house:
MSU recently redid their baseball field, and it's lovely. But I admit that I was a little disappointed they didn't just move it to a dryer part of campus. That field always floods when there's significant rainfall. I can recall at least one time in my college career where people went out to play ball in canoes just for fun over in that location! I think it was even worse during the famous floods of the mid-70s (Spring 1975, I think?). Dad even mentioned there were floods there when he was attending in the late 1940s.
I continue to have battles with my house; flooding in the basement. But, I know the cause, now, and am going to be looking for a way to get that fixed. Primary on my list of home repairs needed is a new roof and new gutters/downspouts. In the meantime, I have buckets in strategic places and there's barely any moisture in the basement now. Phew! Once the section of roof and gutters are done, the kitchen needs repair. And from there, I'll try to figure out exactly what's needed to be able to legally sell the house down the road. My goal is by the end of next summer. Hopefully, though, it'll be sooner. I just need to fix the things that will bring it to a sell-able condition.
I'm so glad for an accessible garage--thanks to my cousin for the new door last fall. One problem, though, is that I really do need to get rid of the Saturn. Someone in the neighborhood recently offered to buy it. I'm doing my research to see what it would be worth sans a working engine and after doing my taxes and talking to tax experts, it makes sense to sell the thing if I really do have an offer. If the offer is not good enough according to my research, then I'll donate it and use it as a write-off next tax season.
That brings me to taxes. It was so strange and at some moments, difficult to do the taxes this year. Now, I've always done the taxes during the marriage (except for the first few years of home ownership, when we had them done). And TurboTax was a lot easier this year than past years.
The difficult part was checking the yes box on John's part where it asks if he's died before the taxes were filed. I checked the box and had to save and log off for awhile while I digested that fact and had a little cry.
The good news for next year is that I've learned that the life insurance payouts I got are not taxable, so I won't be taking the hit I thought I would when I file the 2013 taxes. That's good news. That's also the reason I'm more willing to sell the Saturn for scrap or whatever. Anyway, I'm so glad about that news; seems like I've endured enough punishment for losing my soul mate.
I realized earlier today that it's been exactly a year since John nearly died in the hospital as result of the meningitis complications. Thanks to prayer (all over the world!) and John's strong will, courage, and love of me and the rest of his family, he survived another 8 months. And in some ways, even thrived, believe it or not. That's also thanks to the good people at Sparrow, his doctors and nurses, and the folks at Stoneleigh. I am so appreciative of the support I've gotten from family, friends, and even strangers during this walk.
The weather is so different today than it was a year ago. I remember we had tornado warnings that day or at least within a day of his near-death. I remember looking outside, and among the storm clouds was a rainbow.
So far, this spring has not only been wet (with some snow thrown in this past week!), but it's been cold and dark. Sorta fits my mood sometimes. I feel much better when the sun is out, believe me.
My big thing now is that the vertigo seems to be troubling me a lot lately. It started within days of a particularly strong bout with the "stomach flu" (mentioned in the previous post) and has been happening on and off on a daily basis for about three weeks now. Most times, it's positional and as long as I know what motions set it off (so I can avoid them), I'm fine. But occasionally, like earlier this week, it's all-out and I can't go anywhere. Elvis seems to be patient with his mom needing to move slowly, and that's good. My only complaint right now is that there have been enough of the vertigo attacks that I don't feel good about traveling far, so I've missed a number of things my niece and nephew have been doing sports-wise. Hoping to get back to those things soon.
Elvis had a fun evening (as did I) a couple of weeks ago. I was invited to watch the final NCCA championship basketball game at Sarah's house (she's the Canterbury MSU chaplain). So, Elvis and I went and Elvis had a great time playing with Sarah's two dalmatians--Chip and Jack. Elvis was so worn out by the end that I had a horrible time waking him up the next morning. "But Mom...I'm so tired!" Hoping to get Elvis back there for more playdates soon.
I got a call from one of my college roommates (I'm in contact these days with four former roomies!); she said she was going to be in town today and would we like to meet up? So I met her and her kids and a few other people at El Azteco, a popular hangout in East Lansing. Got me a chance to get some of their cheese dip. I make a pretty good version of it, too, when I have time. It is fabulous...albeit not very authentic Mexican fare. At any rate, it was great to catch up with her and I'm glad she was in town today. Hoping to follow up with a visit to Grand Rapids to see her again soon.
I'm at a good place today, and again I think it's the sun shining and the warm temperatures. I don't always post everything that's going on in my life--I've had some tough things lately that really make the loneliness acute and cause all the other symptoms of profound grief: anger, depression, guilt. So, dear readers...I'm not always as "together" as I may appear. But I truly am at a good place. Right. Now.
Speaking of orbs that rule the sky: Have you seen the beautiful full moon we had recently? I felt John so close to me when I saw that!
Speaking of John...I think I had another episode of "John's messing with me again." Actually a couple of episodes.
Episode One: The crocus plants John put in the garden came out about a week or two ago. He always planted very colorful flowers. In the middle of the various shades of purples and yellows, there appeared a white blossom or two. And some appeared across the fence from our back yard. I don't remember seeing them before. I am pretty sure John didn't plant them. About two days later, they disappeared after a snowfall. No evidence that they were even there. If I hadn't taken a photo of them, I wouldn't believe they were ever there. Uh...John?
Episode Two: A couple of Sundays ago, I was in my pjs watching an episode of Call the Midwife on PBS. The show had just finished, and I was trying to decide what I wanted to watch and all of a sudden, the television started changing channels.
So here's the deal: I have an old television with a digital box thanks to the US Government and no cable by choice. The digital box was fine. The television itself was changing channels. The remote for the actual tv is almost never used, and was off to the side. When I grabbed it (because using the buttons on the television made things worse, loud loud static, etc. Elvis was even freaked out a bit.). I knew I had to try to change the channel back to 4 so I could watch some more. When I got my hands on the actual remote, I realized that the batteries on it were dead as a doorknob. So what the heck?
I recently had a chance to see John's gravestone at Fort Custer. I was in the area at my niece's soccer game. The game was called due to a thunderstorm, so I thought, well, it's light out still--somewhat, anyway--and I can just drive by the site and if the storm calms down, I can go out with my umbrella and have a look. Things did calm a bit so I stepped out of the car. This is what I found:
The other place that John's ashes are interred is at the All Saints Garden. The plaque is up there now:
Oh, and look what I got in the mail from President Obama!
Family members: Let me know if you'd like one of these; I have an application to get more, if needed.
Well, I've written a novel tonight...and I have to get going. Hope to post sooner. Working on another blog which I'll premiere at some point...or not. Haven't decided. On that, I'll post prose and poetry. At least that's my hope. And then maybe a photo blog. We'll see...
In the meantime, I get on with things, always missing John intensely. One last thing I'll close with: at the Widowed Persons support group, our leader said that to help with healing relationships with other people and just healing in general, it's important to bless other people--even people who are the enemy, such as what happened in Boston (I was stuck in an auto dealership lounge the day it happened and was disgusted with the media's handling of this from start to end. Thankfully, I had my iPod nearby and have banned myself from national "news" for awhile, as it's most upsetting)--and also, it's important to bless ourselves. Even my church agrees with this.
And so, dear friends and family, that's it for now...
Love...and blessings...to you.
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