Crying music.

Well, it's June already. And almost halfway through it. Last Thursday marked 35 years since I graduated from high school; today, it's 30 years since I graduated from Michigan State University.

I've been doing okay...most times, managing. Most of the time, tired...sometimes to the point of exhaustion. I cannot seem to get enough sleep. Last night I was having some problems with my seasonal allergies, so I took a Zyrtec, and that seemed to have the added bonus of giving me a good night's sleep. Yet...I was so tired this morning at work!

So here's where I tell you that I went out to my car during my morning break, set my phone alarm, and took a 15 minute nap. And I slept pretty hard in that time, because when the alarm went off, I wasn't sure where I was for a moment. But it seemed to do the trick, because the rest of the day went well.

I've been managing to get yard work accomplished...still some things I'd like to do, but between the reel mower and the weed trimmer, the lawn's starting to look better. Today, I decided it'd be nice to sit in the backyard while Elvis plays. That's something I haven't done much of, before, and it occurred to me lately that it's nice out there and has the added benefit that I don't have to have Elvis tied to me like I do on the front porch. So, I hosed off a couple of old chairs (accidentally--not!--getting Elvis a little wet and refreshed..he wasn't too crazy about that) that I think first belonged to Curt; they'll dry quickly in this heat and any time I want to read a book or relax, these chairs are there...plus a little glass table that I moved from the front porch. In the mornings, it'll be shady...in the afternoons, sunny. And, as long as I wear my little repellant clip (they really work, and I like it because I don't have to spray myself with repellant--that stuff has the potential of setting my asthma off), I should be fine to sit out there and read while Elvis explores the backyard.

After the many many times he's escaped, I still don't trust him out there alone. He never tries to climb when I'm there, and seems content to check every inch of the yard to make sure we're safe.

I've felt a little sentimental and sad this evening. Music always touches me, of course...but two things hit me pretty hard this evening...yet in their loveliness, I highly recommend them as a way to give yourself a good cry.

First, I recommend the Dvorak Symphony #9, also known as the New World Symphony. A recording of this symphony was playing on the local public radio station this evening--it was from a concert played by the Lansing Symphony this past season. Truly lovely. The English horn solo in the second movement always brings me to tears, and this was no exception. Find yourself a good recording (I have the Vienna Symphony) and give it a listen. I've played it many times, as well...enough to remember the bowing and fingering, so I know it's a lot.

Here's a recording of the second movement to get you started--I think this is the Dublin Symphony. I do recommend that you listen to the entire symphony, though, when you get a chance.

Dvorak New World Symphony; movement 1, Largo

Now, to really get the tears going, listen to this movement as sung by the group Libera, a boys choir out of England.

Going Home, Libera

Here are the words:

Going home, going home

I am going home

Quiet like, some still day... I am going home


It’s not far, just close by

Through an open door


Work all done, care laid by

Never fear no more


Mother’s there expecting me

Father’s waiting, too

Lots of faces gathered there

All the friends I knew

I’m just going home


No more fear

No more pain

No more stumbling by the way

No more longing for the day

Going to run no more


Morning star lights the way

Restless dreams all gone

Shadows gone, break of day

Real life has begun


There’s no break, there’s no end

Just living on


Wide awake, with a smile

Going on and on


Going home, going home

I am going home

Shadows gone, break of day

Real life has begun


I am going home.

Very powerful, yes? I looked up some history on this song, and found this on Wikipedia:

The theme from the Largo was adapted into the spiritual-like song "Goin' Home", often mistakenly considered a folk song or traditional spiritual, by Dvořák's pupil, William Arms Fisher, who wrote the lyrics in 1922. Dvořák himself may have modeled the tune on the spirituals written by composer Harry Burleigh, whom he met during his sojourn in America.

The cool thing about this is that I love to sing Burleigh spirituals. So...there's a tie between Goin' Home and the spirituals!

Here's another clip of Libera, singing another text that brings healing tears:

Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep--Libera

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

--Mary Elizabeth Frye. 

Note that when Libera sings it, I think they change the last line to be the same as the second line. Isn't this sublime? I've always loved this poem, but now, I feel like it's a call from beyond. But sorry, John, if I still cry. Quite a bit, actually.

I have lots of goings-on these days; I keep myself busy...but not nearly as busy as I was before John's illness. I have a lot more time to reflect on things...and hopefully soon, to do a lot more writing. 

That's it for now...I'll leave you with a photo of one of John's peonies that he planted. Just for me. 

Blessings,
Tam