Music and the visitor

It's been a pretty interesting 24 hours.

After work, I went to Cooley with one of John's death certificates to get the ball rolling on life insurance through there. After I left the HR department there, I decided to stop at the library, where I knew a box was waiting for me with the rest of John's things. So, I asked to see the box. I was greeted by a couple of John's coworkers--one, in particular, has been through the same thing I'm going through. Her husband passed away sometime in the middle of our 14-month journey. I followed her writings and those of family members on their Caringbridge page. After looking at 3 or 4 boxes of stuff, I decided the only thing I wanted to keep was a pen, a Cooley mug, John's name tag, and some greeting cards. I am not sure why he had the cards, except maybe he had decided to send them for Christmas.

It's funny, because though our intentions were always good, we never did send Christmas cards out in our entire marriage except for occasional ones to our families. And even then, it wasn't regular. No excuse, and I'm sure I'll find more greeting cards as I start the massive clean-up at home.

After that, I unloaded more of the laundry and a couple boxes, along with Elvis' crate at the house. Then, I treated Elvis to a long walk through the neighborhood. During that walk, I was a little nervous, because there were two guys going door-to-door. Turns out they were selling home improvement work. I'm not so sure, because they really didn't look like the type to do that stuff, but who knows? Anyway, I walked Elvis over to the school yard so that he could romp (as much as he can romp on-leash) in the snow; on the way back, I passed by one of my very kind neighbors, who was talking to one of the aforementioned door-to-door guys. After getting the rest of the mail she'd picked up for me while I was in Marshall, I headed back to the house. And it was then that I realized that (1) my car was unlocked and (2) my keys were nowhere to be found. Oh no!

So, I re-traced my steps, a little frightened that those guys picked the keys up. Sure enough, though, they were sitting in the snow in front of my neighbor's house. Oh well...Elvis got a double-walk out of this. I prayed the entire time just to keep me calm.

After getting Elvis some supper, I headed to the hardware store to get a couple of buckets for one of the downspouts that is in the back of the house. On my way out of the store, I realized that I had misplaced my keys again.

Those of you that know me personally know that it's pretty hard to lose my keys, as I use one of our past beagle's collars to carry the keys. Again, I re-traced my steps and the keys were sitting on top of a bucket. I must have placed them there while I was getting the buckets for the house from the top shelf.

I was now alert for the rest of the evening and made sure to use my carbiner to attach the keys to my purse. So, just keep track of the purse, silly girl!

I then decided I was going to at least sit-in on an arts chorale rehearsal. I loved the selections so much, I decided to try singing very gently. Luckily, they were songs I already knew, so that made it very comfortable for me. I've been asked to sing in their next concert. We'll see. I said a tentative "yes" and went home for the night. I felt good about the decision and was smiling a little bit as I yawned and went to bed.

Since I can remember, I've always needed some sort of "white noise" in order to sleep at night. John was the complete opposite. He liked it very quiet, and even the trains woke him up at night. You see, there are two tracks within about four blocks of our house. I had blocked that sound out years ago, but not him. Often, I'd fall asleep with the television on, and John would take my glasses off and turn off the television.

Since Sunday night, I've been leaving the television on a low volume while I sleep. This morning, I awoke with a start at about 3 AM. The television was off. The remote was too far away for me to have turned it off on my own. Elvis couldn't have stepped on it, either. And no, I don't have cable or satellite television and I didn't have the television on a sleep mode. It just...turned off. 

Hi, John. Thank you for letting me know you're with me, and thanks for allowing a little bit more peace and smiling today.