Well, it's been awhile...and because of that, I have a lot to write about tonight.
Today, I had an appointment in the Detroit area (Farmington Hills) with the Michigan Ear Institute. My second visit there. Today, I was scheduled for some balance tests. But at about 4:30 PM on the day before the holiday, the office called to say I needed a referral. Pretty confusing, since I thought I had hand-carried one in when I was at their office at the end of May. After a few phone calls to my primary doctor and to the MSU representative for my health insurance, we settled on getting a referral sent from my primary tomorrow (since neither doctor or the referral person were in the office today, the day after a holiday weekend! Completely understandable!), since the insurance person said there would be no problem having a retro referral. I may have to work some additional magic with her, since the institute says I owed about 75 bucks from last time because they think the payment didn't come (BCN insists it did but doesn't know how since the paper I had hand carried in was actually not a referral but an authorization to consult...there's a difference?). I went ahead and paid it but I think the insurance company will owe me some money.
Anyway, so thankful to the patient staff-person at MEI, the staff at my primary doc, the coworkers that helped me connect with our BCN rep, and of course...the BCN rep herself. See? It pays to be working in the office I'm in...I know far more about this stuff (between my work and all the things John and I went through) than I would if I were a music teacher! Too bad, though, I have to...because I do miss the teaching. Not the other stuff that comes with it, but the teaching itself? Yes. I do miss it a lot.
So, I was allowed to have my appointment. A good thing, since I'd driven quite a distance for the appointment! The first thing I did was go through a series of balance tests involving a machine called the Epley chair. From my research, I learned that there are only about 10 of these chairs in the US. So, picture one of those flight chairs that astronauts and pilots in the military have to use. You know the one...it flips you every which way including upside down? If you don't have the idea, check out Youtube and Google...there are examples there. Anyway, I had no dizziness. But then again, I haven't had more than little tiny spurts of vertigo for at least 2 or 3 weeks! I felt tiny bits of it in the chair but much less than normal. When I was in the chair, I wore some special goggles (very stylish...not!) that measured my eye movements.
Then, I saw my doctor, who said the bppv seems to have resolved. He says I have to keep up the meds, watch what I eat (salt-wise, especially), and keep up the exercises. He thinks the exercises put the crystals back where they belong. Yes. Everyone has rocks in their head. They are tiny crystals on the hairs inside your inner ear. When they get knocked loose (like when I had that concussion in October), you get positional vertigo. He then showed me the MRI of my brain and said it came out normal- no tumors, though he showed me something that the radiologist seemed concerned about. From the report:
"Greater than 10 nonspecific supratentorial deep white matter and bifrontal/biperietal subcortical white matter lesions without evidence of mass effect or enhancement to suggest a recent abnormality."
Basically, what I got from the doctor is that we all get these white matter lesions as we get older. I have a few more than what's normal. Here's what has put me into a worrisome dark place tonight is that he said that sometimes can indicate MS. Yes. Multiple Sclerosis. He didn't seem to think that's what it was, but it still left that nagging doubt within me. When I asked if I should have another one in a few months, he didn't seem to think it was necessary. I do know that I've had a CTscan (back in October) and MAYBE an MRI a few years ago on my head, so I'm going to see if Sparrow or MSU (I had them both places) have those available for the doctor to compare.
After the appointment, though I was seriously tired, I decided to drive back to Marshall, where Elvis is staying (I've been puppy sitting for the last week...more on that later). I probably should have at least waited; I drove through the worst storm I've ever driven in (water on the highway, stupid drivers, lightening, wind, and downpour, with no safe place to pull over). I learned later that there was a severe thunderstorm warning in that area; I'm sure I saw at least one rotation in the clouds. Terrified? Yes. Praying? Oh, heck yes!
My family is being kind enough to allow me to stay at their house as I go to Fiddler rehearsals. I was going to stay in Lansing tonight and tomorrow, but I'm just too wiped out and I won't have time to really do much at the house after work tomorrow and Wednesday. So...I'll continue the commute for two more days and then we're fully into Fiddler on the Roof performances.
Fiddler has been a bit of fun; I'm glad that I took the role of the Fiddler once more, though I had sworn I'd finished doing it the last time (about 13 years ago, I think?). This is the ninth time I've done the role. Probably the last. Maybe. Who knows? I think this will be a wonderful production. I heard the cast sing for the first time on Sunday and they are wonderful; what a voice the Tevye in this production has! He's an operatic singer, so you can well imagine.
If you are in the area, do come--it opens this Thursday (July 10) and runs through July 20. For more information, check out tibbits.org!
I went to a lovely concert on July 4th at the fountain in downtown Marshall. I had decided that I would stand in honor of my dad and my husband at the playing of the Air Force song. So...as the song began, I stood up, holding my cell phone up (with a picture of John in the superman shirt) and started crying. I was with a friend of mine who lives in my home town, and she has the ability to see ghosts...she's a seer. Anyway, she started tapping me like crazy during the USAF song. She said later that she saw John standing right next to me...with hair, and I'm guessing without the 100 pounds of weight gained. I've seen and felt too much not to believe her, and it made me so glad. I just wish I could have seen him, too. A few days later (Sunday), I sang a couple of solos at the local Episcopal church, and I tell you...during the second solo--a spiritual I have sung often and know in my heart--I didn't see John but I felt him there. Right beside me. He was always so proud of my singing and would brag to anyone who would listen about my accomplishments. Think about it: Why wouldn't he be there?
And Friday night...I went to sleep without blankets because it was warm, but woke up this morning with blankets on me. The only other beings here during that time were Elvis, Goose, and Homer (all dogs). Now, unless they have learned to cover me, I think John did. Reason I think that: He always would cover me. Even at the Stoneleigh Residence hospice. And when he could no longer cover me, he'd ask staff to do it.
I don't think he ever left; his body is no longer here, but I think he's here with me more than ever. And the best part: the cancer is GONE! And, apparently, the hair is BACK!
Anyway, I had a good holiday. No fireworks in the traditional sense...other than some firecrackers from the neighbor next door, which didn't please Homer one bit...but I saw balloons and barnstormers from the nearby Balloon Festival...and I had John.
That's good enough.
And now, I think I'm going to get some sleep. I am very very wiped out and worried and have a headache and all sorts of things. So off I go..at least until my family is back from their evening activities. I will try to go to work tomorrow; it'll be an early day so it's best that I try to sleep now. Let's hope that I succeed.
As I sign off, I'm thinking of the song from Music Man (a movie based on the wonderful musical written by Meredith Willson--played on Turner Classic Movies--right after Yankee Doodle Dandy, another favorite--on the holiday)...
Sweet dreams be yours dear, if dreams there be...
sweet dreams to carry you close to me...
I wish I may...and I wish I might...
Now goodnight, my someone (named John), goodnight!
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