It's been awhile...

I noticed today it's been over a year since I've posted a blog here. 

The big news is that in October, 2016, I was diagnosed with tonsil cancer. The better news is that--after 6 rounds of chemotherapy--I am doing well and the main tumor has been gone since March, 2017. 

For more details on *that* journey, feel free to check out my CaringBridge blog:

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tamara2

And that's about it for this post. I want to talk about other goings-on in my next post. 

Tamara

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is thought to be a day to honor those who perished in battle. But I always honor all Veterans and active service members and their family on this day. 

This year, it's on May 30, which was, until the early 1970s, Memorial Day, regardless of the day of the week. May 30 was and is a special day in my life; it was the birthday of my mother. It's highly appropriate that May 30 is Memorial Day today, as this is the 90th anniversary of her birth. Happy birthday, Mama! I miss you!

I consider her a veteran, as well, because she was a military wife. Married to my father, a 33 year veteran of the Army Air Corps, Air Force, Air Reserve, and Air National Guard. 

And the three veterans of my immediate family: Mom, Dad, and my beloved husband, John, fought battles that they ultimately lost. No, none of them had seen military battle in their service (I don't think; the jury's out whether Dad did; we'll never know as he did a lot of top secret stuff especially during the Korean War).

My mom battled diabetes and congestive heart failure for many years. My dad had Parkison's disease for many years--diagnosed in 1984, but we think he had it a lot longer. I'll add my brother into this, as he battled diabetes for several years and pancreatic cancer for a month. And finally, my wonderful husband, who bravely battled a brain tumor for 14 months. 

So I honor those people in my life that fought battles both on and off the field. I thank them for their lives. I am the person I am because of them. 

As the song says, "Because I knew them, I have been changed for Good."

This wife, daughter, granddaughter niece, cousin, friend, and yes, sister of veterans thanks them all. 

A possible cure for glioblastoma...and how I feel about it.

Hand in hand. The moment I started wearing his wedding band with mine.

Look at this young couple. Little did they know the journey they would have, they walked down the aisle hand in hand as husband and wife on that beautiful September saturday. And just two months after their 17th wedding anniversary, their lives changed.










On our 17th anniversary, we looked like this:

And on our 18th and final anniversary, celebrated at hospice:

I first heard about the experiments they were conducting on the east coast involving the polio virus about a year ago; they insert the virus (minus the dangerous part of the strain, instead substituted with a bit of cold virus) and it attacks the tumor (and awakens the immune system). One woman in the study was diagnosed around the same time John was. She is still with us. All of this was on a number of 60 Minutes episodes, with the most recent one airing tonight. 

John went through the typical treatments (called standard of care), plus one study. 

After graduation from radiation therapy, you get to keep the mask. I still have it.

Chopping.

Treadmill therapy

Coffee and treadmill mix.

Don't get me wrong; I'm overjoyed that they have something that not only might cure glioblastoma multiforme, but other cancers such as pancreatic cancer (which took my big brother from us in 1999).  But I'm angry...perhaps selfishly...that this breakthrough status didn't happen before the events of 2011 unfolded...or even before the events of 1999. 

But we held on to each other. Tight.

Through Christmas 2011, one month after diagnosis:

 And the early days of hospice...

Through his last birthday...

And through his last days...

Our last photo together. Taken approximately 3 days before his death.

He still lives in my heart.

I will continue to follow the studies, as I want this monster called cancer to disappear. Go away. Vamoose. Be gone. Kicked to the curb. DESTROYED.

So be aware, cancer: YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED. No more destroying families. 

And so, we go on. Little by little. Step by step. Moment by moment. Missing him all the time.

No one should ever have to go through this. 

For perspective on that 14 month journey...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prjcHQAPVgg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV5hm_d_ZW4&feature=share

Three dog night...and days...

We've had an unusual winter in these parts. December was the warmest on record, but then--by the time we got to late January/most of February and even a little bit in March--we had a few snowstorm events, much to Elvis' delight. He loves to run and play and jump in the snow drifts, and doesn't seem to realize he's over 9 years old now. That's okay. I love his puppy-like exuberance.

Recently, I dog/house sat for my brother and family while they went south to watch my nephew in spring training for his college baseball team. It's very relaxing at their house--they live on a really pretty lake about 40 minutes south of here.

Elvis adores his cousins, Goose and his dad, Homer. Here's what they looked like a good share of the time after a hard play session:

L-R: Goose, Elvis, Homer.

When Elvis and I first arrived for our stay, the lake looked like this outside the window:

It snowed all day that Saturday. You know the phrase "Three Dog Night," right? Well, that night, I had three dogs piled up on top of me. Once they were comfortable, it was a wonderful warm way to spent most of the night.

Michigan being Michigan, the weather gradually changed during the week we visited. We even had a 70-degree day, almost unheard of in early March here. And so, the ice began to melt.

Meanwhile, the dogs enjoyed (most of the time) playing together in the house.

Homer

Homer

Homer is the senior of the crew. It's very difficult to get photos of his face, but I finally managed to get a couple of very good photos of him. Such a sweet boy.

Goose

Goose is Homer's "wingman" son. Don't let those sweet eyes fool you. He is full of mischief. Elvis and Goose are best friends as well as cousins, and they are as thick as thieves. Lots of "wrasslin'" goes on when they get together.

Of course, father and son usually lounge together...

One of the favorite things to do is to look out the window to see what's going on. Here's Homer and Elvis:

Squirrel!!!!!!!!!!

Homer seems to need a lot more cuddling these days, so Elvis (the first time I've noticed this) got very jealous. I didn't want him to be jealous that he's not in this post very much, so just in case he gets on my computer (he DOES have a Facebook account, after all!), here's a couple of glamour shots from the visit--one of them thanks to an opportunistic sunbeam.

By the end of our visit, the snow and ice had completely melted, and there were small fishing boats on the lake, a big change from the ice huts I saw when I first arrived. 

Well, it's time to wrap this up for now...but the boys and I wish you a wonderful spring!

L-R: Elvis, Homer, Goose.

A Sunday in January

Here's a post I started a few weeks ago...in January.


After church for the next few weeks (well, not next week, since there's our annual congregational meeting), I'm going to a discussion at church called "Death: The Elephant in the Church." I thought it would be a good thing to attend. The moderator wondered if the discussion would be too tender for me. In some ways, it is, but I think it's good I'm going. Today was a little hard, since we're coming upon the third anniversary of John's death. The class was held in the lounge, which has windows that look upon the courtyard in which half of John's ashes are interred. But it was okay. It's a good discussion group, and I'm with my church family.

Today, we heard reports from various people about traditions surrounding death in different faiths. It was very interesting. Some very comforting traditions, though I think what I currently hold as beliefs are comfort enough. No matter what, I'm going to miss John. Horribly. Yet sometimes, I feel like he's just around the corner out of view but taking care of me, anyway.

So...after I left the church I came home and cuddled with Elvis. I felt like I'd neglected him a lot this week, since I'd worked extra hours for a project I have every year at this time. Though one of the nights I was there, I brought him with me. He got pretty bored, but eventually settled down for a little nap at my feet.

We've been slugs most of the afternoon...and I decided I wanted to get out for a bit. Take Elvis for a walk? Naw, it's pretty cold outside. Let's go for a ride.

So Elvis and I took a little ride around the west side of town. He loves going with his mommy in the car, and is usually quite well-behaved when he's in the car. Past beagles I've had (Max and Abbey, in particular) did not like car rides. Elvis (like Mo before him) LOVES them. But the weather was starting to turn. Thin veils of snow blowing across the road are pretty, but I decided it was time to go back home.

Elvis is now fast asleep, and I will soon join him. Thankful for a warm home, warm blankets, warm pajamas, and a warm beagle.

Trying to decide right now whether to take Tuesday off or whether work would be a good distraction from the fact it's January 19. We'll see.

Three Dog Night...and Day

Last weekend, Elvis and I spent most of dog sitting at my family's place on the lake. As you can see, they spent most of it either in piles of dogs or piled up on me. I didn't mind. It was very cold last weekend--Sunday morning, I think it was 8 below. So other than attending to the necessaries, we all stayed inside. In the photo above, you know the beagle, Elvis. The labs are (from left to right) Homer and Goose. When not snoozing or relaxing, Elvis and Goose play. Hard. I think it's a good break for Homer, who prefers not to play much these days. I think for that reason, he loves it when Elvis comes to distract his son (Homer and Goose are father and son in real life).  

Other that fixing food for me (and putting it in dishes for the dogs), I spent most of the time watching out the window...many people were out ice fishing on the other side of the lake. I felt cold for them, as it was far too cold to be out there (in my opinion, which makes me NOT an ice fisherwoman).

It is a week later, and I'm guessing they're not out there today. The high today, I think, was close to 60 degrees. Well, I'm in Michigan. Our motto is, "If you don't like the weather, wait awhile and it'll change. I'm not complaining, as I said in the previous post. I'm sitting here watching a pretty sunset, and almost all of the snow is gone from last week. It's still February, so I'm sure we'll have more snow, but we have had far less this year than in past years. All of our snow, I think, went to the East Coast, where many people don't know how to handle snow. What's that I read? "To you it may be a snowstorm. To us Michiganders, it's Tuesday."

I purchased season tickets to the local theater on campus for various events. Not sure I can afford it next year, so I'm trying to enjoy them as much as I can. In the past few months, I've seen Kristin Chenoweth (met her, too!), Paula Poundstone (met her), Bobby McFerrin, and Savion Glover. A few more to go, and I'll talk about them later.

That's about all for now...I'll leave you one more photo of the pile o' dogs.

Spring, already...and another anniversary.

It's February 20, 2016. And it seems like spring outside...mind you, I'm not complaining. A week ago, the temperature ended up at around 8 below. I'll take sunny and 55 degrees. I think it hit 60 yesterday, but because of the high winds, it didn't feel that way. There's a breeze today, but not like the gale force winds of yesterday.

Since last I wrote, I have passed another year anniversary of John's death. It was tough--they all will be--but I was able to manage. I took the day off and Elvis and I went for a drive. First, we visited the church yard where part of John's ashes are...and as always, Elvis always knows where to sniff. I've never actually directed him to the area.

After our visit there, we stopped by Stoneleigh, the hospice John was in and so tenderly cared-for the last 8 months of his illness. Elvis remembered who the treat-givers are (a beagle never forgets) and also remembered where the treats are kept. One of these days, we'll go on some walks in the grounds...he loves to sniff around there.

Then, it was a trip to Fort Custer, where the other half of John's remains were. First, I visited Mom and Dad's grave (had to brush off the snow to find it. And then I went to John's grave. As I recall, it was pretty cold that day, and there weren't many people around...and ordinarily, dogs are not allowed outside of the car there, but I figured that Elvis had the right to visit the stone at least once. So...we did.

Ordinarily, I am not at Ft Custer during the weekday, so I was surprised to see the flags flying in the winter, until I remembered that there were flags flying when John was buried there. So, I figured there had been burial services there that day.

So, we headed next to Ft Custer Recreational Area--a state park not far from the cemetery that has about three or four lakes. We were in one of the few vehicles there...so pretty in the winter!

On our way home, I went through a Starbucks drive-through...and Elvis had a free Puppy Latte (a cup of whipped cream). I knew they had those, but had forgotten. They were the ones that offered it. He LOVES that sort of thing!

So...it was a quiet and reflective day...and over all, better than I expected.